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Purple Pancakes
Self harm..Those two words have a whole lot of emotions and meaning behind them. It's a cry for help for most people, a sign of letting go of anger, fear, guilt. People who cut release those emotions and begin to feel relief or a comforting feeling. It's kind of like taking drugs, although instead of inhaling or taking in something, you pierce yourself with any sharp object. That first cut is one of the most refreshing moments of your life, right when the blade slices your skin, you feel so happy like all the stress busted through a gushing rush of water and you can breathe again. But little people know it's addicting. After the first cut and the feeling you felt you want to do it again and then the second time comes. Next thing you know the third time comes around and by this time you crave that feeling even more than before. The worse part? You can't stop, even if you do the feeling overwhelms you and practically takes over your whole body until you give in and cut. How do I know all this? You probably might be asking this question in your head. I didn't research anything, didn't ask anyone how it felt, didn't look up YouTube videos either. This is coming from my own personal experience. I'll admit it, I cut my own flesh. I'm not happy about it but it's something I deal with... it started when I went through my depressing times back in September and every month up until new years. Back then I cut my wrist with a not so sharp pocket knife. After that day I dig my nails into the cuts to make them deeper. After a while my parents found out went to counseling and I really have to admit this but I didn't want any help to stop(I still don't) and I actually did stop for a couple months. Tried everything to keep my mind off and the only thing could do that was music. It was an eccape for me to cry, be angry at the world and just accept the fact that I wasn't always perfect. It got me through my depression and didn't cut for four months! Until one day in February I saw a tack(things you stick in the walls) and I dug it into my skin and just angrily went through up and down my wrist making a huge mess. After that healed I had to do it again, so I did. This month I decided to cut my arm and leg. I have so many reasons why I do it. My friends aren't really "good" friends, they're fake people who just want everything to revolve around them. I am so insecure. I will literally go to a mirror and pick out everything I hate about my face & body. God I hate my body. I'm overweight. People don't know that because I hide it to well. I have thunder thighs (although they're not that bad) , my love handles ruin everything so I just hide in comfy oversized t shirts and sweatshirts. starve myself. And I hate myself. I really do. Anyway back to cutting, it's this god awful long war between you and your self control. You always lose up against self control. It's awful to know you're a bomb ready to explode any minute. I never want to wish anyone on this. I hate having a war between something super dangerous.
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Purple Pancakes updated bio
I'm awkward, yes you read that right._. and I am obsessed with sloths and tea ^m^
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